


25 Emotions

by Kaethe3112



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, One Shot Collection, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaethe3112/pseuds/Kaethe3112
Summary: Part of the "25 Emotions" Challenge where you write a one shot for every given emotion.





	1. Emotions List

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few things before you start - firstly, these aren't in chronological order. Also, I just want to mention that the given emotion is not the only emotion in the chapter or something (that would be impossible for me), I rather used it as a central theme that inspired the whole one shot? You'll see what I mean! Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never thought of putting the actual list I used on here, whoops. (It's from a German website and I just translated it.) Feel free to use it for your own projects!  
> Also, I didn't follow the order because I'm messy like that.

1\. Love  
2\. Hatred/Self-hatred  
3\. Envy  
4\. Anger  
5\. Sadness  
6\. Boredom  
7\. Nervousness  
8\. Longing  
9\. Hopelessness  
10\. Remorse/Regret  
11\. Hope  
12\. Happiness  
13\. Fear/Panic  
14\. Courage  
15\. Disgust  
16\. Pity  
17\. Loneliness  
18\. Wonder  
19\. Curiosity  
20\. Astonishment  
21\. Gratification  
22\. Embarassment  
23\. Admiration  
24\. Trust  
25\. Distrust


	2. Regret/Remorse

### Regret/Remorse

“Listen, Warren, I told you _I’m sorry_. Why don’t you believe me?”  
It was one of the worst apologies Warren had ever heard in his life, but the lack of profanity and the desperate expression in Nathan’s eyes made it clear that he was being serious. Still, that did not change anything about what had happened, and it definitely did not make the pain in Warren’s chest go away. Since he had heard of the events at the last Vortex Club party, he had been feeling a strange mix of betrayal, jealousy and fear – just thinking about it made him nauseous.  
“Fuck, Nate…”, Warren tried concentrating on something around his room or outside the window, anything to not have to look at that regretful look on his boyfriend’s face. He knew he would cave in and ignore his own feelings, like he always did. But this time, he was just fucking _hurt_. Pretending that it never happened seemed like a less torturous option for both of them, but Warren knew they needed to talk about this. He drew a deep breath and, not sure of what to say, just went with the first thing that came to his mind. “She shoved her tongue down your throat, Nate. And you didn’t do anything.”  
“I- “  
“No, wait, scratch that. Actually, you fucking _went with it_.”  
Warren could feel his self-control slipping, so he tried to go back to taking deep breaths. He had no intention of yelling at Nathan. Even though he would never admit it to his boyfriend, he did feel the need to be considerate of his mental instability and be careful not to upset him. It would not make any sense for them to just shout at each other. Warren let out a sigh and sat down on his bed, resting his face in his hands. Nathan also remained quiet, restlessly tugging at the ends of his sleeves. He seemed nervous, but not too irritated. Warren waited until his own anger started to fade, making room for sadness instead, before he spoke again.  
“It’s so ridiculous. I wouldn’t have believed a word of it if Juliet hadn’t shown me that stupid video…”  
He raised his head to take a look at Nathan again. His boyfriend’s eyes were glued to the floor, a pained expression on his face. It was obvious he regretted what he had done, which relieved Warren a little, but not enough to just let the topic go.  
“Is… is this what you do at Vortex Club parties when I’m not around?” He had been reluctant to ask the question that haunted his mind the most – he was scared to death of what the answer might be.  
Nathan’s eyes finally met Warren’s worried ones again, shock apparent in his features as he answered with a “No!” that was a little too loud. “No”, he repeated more controlled, “that’s not… I’d never- “, Nathan stopped mid-sentence, probably realizing ‘never’ had already happened, and bit his lip nervously. He sighed ran his fingers through his hair, his expression growing slightly more irritated. “It doesn’t make any fucking sense. You know I’m not even into girls.” His voice was small when he added: “I swear, I… It’s never happened before. I’ve never… wanted to”, and he looked into Warren’s eyes, anxiously awaiting his answer.  
Warren searched his boyfriend’s face, looking for any signs he was not being honest, but found none. “Why did you do it, then?”  
Nathan did not seem to know an answer to this question, or at least not an easy one. Not saying anything, he sat down next to Warren, looking at the blue carpeted floor once more. It took him a while to speak up again.  
“I can’t remember anything from that night, Warren”, he finally said.  
It took the younger one a few seconds to fully understand what Nathan was hinting at. “Oh”, he simply answered when realization hit him. After thinking for a bit, he added: “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.”  
Nathan just nodded. There was another moment of silence after that, both of the boys not sure of what to say.  
“You usually don’t have any blackouts after a night out drinking”, Warren eventually remarked.  
“I know”, Nathan agreed. “It’s just that…”  
When he did not continue speaking, Warren asked: “It’s just what?”  
Nathan sighed and pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead, probably collecting his thoughts. After a few seconds, he breathed out audibly, let his hands fall into his lap, and began talking: “As I said, I don’t remember shit from that night. When I woke up in my room, I was covered in vomit. Not only on my shirt, there was some next to my bed, too. When I looked around more, I saw some empty bottles of booze. And… and there were pills scattered across the floor. Some seemed to have fallen out of the pillboxes, but… most of them were thrown back up.” Nathan looked up into his boyfriend’s eyes as he finished: “I have no fucking idea what I tried to do there, Warren.”  
“Nate, you… you’re not telling me you…?” Warren could not, or did not want to believe, what he just heard. Did he seriously almost lose Nathan without even knowing about it? “Fuck, Nate”, he blurted out, “I’m so sorry I- “  
Nathan was quick to interrupt his boyfriend: “Don’t you dare apologize. None of this was your fault. I… I was the one who…” The boy swallowed, not able to finish the sentence. “I don’t give a shit about me overdosing”, he stated instead, “I’m just sorry that I disappointed you.”  
Warren winced inwardly. “Please don’t say that. I hate it when you talk about yourself like that.”  
Nathan gave an unamused laugh. “Like I’m the worthless piece of shit I am?”  
“Nate!”, Warren half-whined, half-warned. “Please.”  
“But it’s true. Look at me… You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I go ahead and fucking make out with a bitch I don’t even know.”  
“You don’t remember, though”, Warren reminded him, “maybe you didn’t even initiate it.”  
Nathan snorted. “That doesn’t make me regret it any less.”  
The direction the conversation was taking worried Warren. Yes, he was hurt, but he did not want Nathan to beat himself up over it. He had wanted to hear why he did what he did, not make his boyfriend want to kill himself again.  
“You know this doesn’t make me hate you, right?”, he reminded Nathan, just in case. His mind sometimes took directions like this, probably because it was what he had become used to in his life.  
It turned out Warren was right when Nathan had a surprised look on his face and asked “You don’t hate me now?” with his voice being a pitch too high and shaky, a sign that there was an emotional dam inside of him breaking. The fact that Nathan had been confident he had fucked up their relationship for good left a dull ache in Warren’s chest.  
“Of course I don’t, silly”, he replied, finally hugging his boyfriend, and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. The way Nathan almost clung to Warren and how he pressed his face into his shoulder showed just how much he needed this. It did not take long for Nathan to be a sobbing mess, mumbling I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have done this over and over again. At this point, Warren was rather sure Nathan had rarely regretted something so much in his life – which meant something.  
Warren had no doubt that they could make it through this. Holding and being held by his boyfriend like that had replaced the sick feeling in his stomach with one of comfort and safety – and for now, that was all they needed.


	3. Courage

### Courage

“Just ask the nerd out already.”  
Nathan turned to look at Victoria, surprised. They were out on campus, enjoying the last rays of sun of a summer slowly coming to an end. Apart from that, Nathan might have also enjoyed the sight of Warren, who was sitting next to that science teacher of his on a bench a few yards away from them. Earlier, when Nathan got out to meet Victoria, Warren had spotted him and waved at him, a smile on his face that Nathan could not help but return. He had felt rather awkward waving back, also because Ms. Grant had turned to observe him with a curious expression on her face. She probably could not believe that Warren Graham, the nice science guy who always got straight A’s, would hang out with Nathan Prescott. To be fair, he himself also could not believe it most of the time.  
And now, Victoria was seriously telling him to ask Warren out for a date, or whatever the fuck her plan was? Nathan was too shocked to tell her how stupid she was, all he could come up with was a confused “What?”  
At that, Victoria rolled her eyes, obviously not impressed. “Come on, Nate, I’m not fucking stupid.”  
Nathan sneered. “Actually, that’s just what I’ve been thinking.”  
“Oh, shut up.” She fell silent after that, watching Warren and Ms. Grant for a while. They were probably talking about scientific things that Nathan would not even understand half of. Either way, Warren seemed interested in the topic and happy to be able to speak with Ms. Grant. “He’s like literal sunshine”, Victoria eventually remarked, no specific emotion apparent in her voice.  
“Exact opposite of me”, Nathan stated.  
Victoria did not respond to that, just turned her gaze towards the grassy floor.  
“Listen, Nate”, she started after a few seconds of silence, “I know he’s the one who helped you when… after...”, she took a deep breath, “after last year.”  
She did not have to explain what she meant by that. It was the worst time of Nathan’s life. He still had nightmares where Jefferson spoke to him, _touched_ him. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the dark room. Or hear the policemen yelling at him in the interrogation chamber. Feel the judging gazes of the students when he finally was allowed to return to Blackwell Academy. During these months, he had felt like he was all by himself, wandering through an impenetrable darkness. Warren had brought some light back into his world and he had no idea how to ever make it up to him.  
Victoria continued talking, her voice shaking slightly: “Even… Even I didn’t help you and I’m sorry for that. The least I can do now is help you to finally go on a date with the nerd.”  
Nathan thought about that for a second. “Thanks for telling me, Vic. That, um… must’ve been hard.”  
“Oh, trust me, I had to really work up the courage to apologize for my shit behavior. I should’ve been your friend, but instead I just believed what other people told me.”  
“You don’t have to worry about that”, Nathan assured her. He did not blame her for being scared of him when he came back – almost everybody was.  
“However, getting back to the topic”, Victoria said, sounding slightly more cheerful again, “I’d suggest you go to Warren and ask him out right now. The teacher’s leaving.”  
Nathan turned to look towards the bench and indeed, Ms. Grant was getting up and probably saying her goodbyes to her student.  
Panic started to well up in Nathan’s chest as he realized that Victoria was _serious_ about this. “Fuck, Vic, there’s no way in hell I’m just going to walk over there now”, he told her, wanting to make it clear that he was absolutely not planning to follow her instructions. “I don’t know shit about dating. How does all of that even fucking work?”  
“It’s easy”, Victoria answered. “You just go to Warren and ask him to go on a date with you.”  
“That’s not fucking easy at all!”, Nathan replied, bewilderment apparent in his voice.  
Victoria smirked back at her friend. “Be brave, Nate. Just like me.”  
Nathan tried to pluck up all the courage he had, he really did, but his heart was pounding hard in his chest and he felt sick just _thinking_ about talking to Warren about this. “I can’t, Vic. I’m gonna puke. I’ll die.”  
Victoria rolled her eyes. “No, you won’t. Now…”, she grabbed Nathan by the shoulders and turned him towards the direction Warren was sitting, now alone, “go over there and stop being a stupid coward.” With that, she gave her friend a strong push, which resulted in Nathan having to take a few steps towards Warren. Apparently, the whole scenario had not gone unnoticed by him, as he was looking directly at Nathan now, a confused but slightly amused look on his face. That caused the Prescott to panic even more and, unsure of what to do, he looked back at Victoria, mouthing a ‘What the fuck now?’. She slapped her forehead, signifying she was tired of Nathan’s shit, and then made gestures to tell him to just keep walking. Nathan swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat and reminded himself to just continue breathing. He needed to concentrate on setting one foot in front of the other, not how much he wanted to kill Victoria for getting him into a situation like that.  
Nathan had expected to calm down at least a little bit while walking towards Warren, but in fact, every step he took just made him feel worse. _Be brave_ , he told himself, mocking Victoria’s voice in his head. _Yeah right_ , he inwardly sneered. But looking at the nerd patiently waiting for Nathan to make his way over to him, he felt like he should not be disheartened this easily. _No, no, you can do this. Just breathe._ When he was only a few feet away from Warren, the younger boy stood up from the bench, giving a reassuring smile. On the one hand, Nathan was thankful for that, but on the other hand it made him think he probably looked like a fucking loser.  
“Hey, Nathan. What’s up?”, Warren greeted him when he was taking his last few steps.  
“Oh, uh…” _Think of something, you fucking dumbass._ He fought the urge to look at Victoria again – he did not want to make this any more embarrassing than it already was – and actually act like a normal person having a conversation. However, his body was not cooperating. He could not get a single word out. _Fuck_ , he thought. _Fuck fuck fuck_ . Why was he always messing up?  
“Nathan, are you okay?” There was genuine worry in Warren’s eyes, and shit, Nathan did not deserve any of that. “You seem a little stressed out. Is there anything I-”  
“Would you like to go on a date?” The words were out before Nathan could think twice about them. He did not have any idea how he had finally gotten up the nerve to ask the younger boy out, but he went with it. “With, you know, me”, he added, his voice a little too high and shaky for his liking.  
There was a terrifying moment of silence after that. It probably was not long, but for Nathan, every second Warren did not respond felt like eternity. He could already feel his face heating up and suddenly felt very self-conscious about how fucking lame he probably looked. Slowly, but surely, the older boy was losing courage and wished he could just take everything back. Eventually, he blurted out, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I mean- “  
“I’d love to”, Warren interrupted.  
“What?”, Nathan asked, not being able to believe he had actually heard that right.  
“I’d love to go out with you”, he repeated, a blush creeping on his face as well. The taller boy was avoiding the Prescott’s gaze now, bringing up one arm to rub the back of his neck, a nervous habit. “Maybe this weekend? There’s a theater nearby that’s having a Hitchcock marathon and I was thinking we could- “  
“Sounds great”, Nathan interrupted. He had really tried to keep his cool, but he felt like he was about to burst. Warren could have suggested they go to one of his weird nerd meet-ups in matching costumes and Nathan would have said yes.  
“Oh, okay.” Warren laughed nervously. “I, uh, have to go to class now”, he explained hastily, picking up his bag, “so I’ll just text you about the details, okay?”  
“Sounds great”, Nathan repeated, not able to come up with anything else. He felt delirious, but in a good way. After having waved Warren goodbye, he still was not entirely sure whether all of this just really happened. He barely noticed Victoria rushing over to him, a smile on her face that showed she was proud of her work.  
“See, Nate? Being courageous sometimes really pays off!”  
Nathan hated to admit it, but she was right.


	4. Longing

### Longing

Any day Sean Prescott demanded his son come home and they have ‘a talk’ was a bad day. However, this time, Nathan knew that he had fucked up for good – that he and Warren had not been careful enough. The way his father had forcefully tugged at his son’s reddish-brown hair while calling him a disgrace and a fag was a good indication for that. Eventually, the head of the Prescott family had dismissed Nathan, but not without a _polite final warning_. The nineteen-year old had left with a massive headache and a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.  
That was almost two weeks ago and he had not seen Warren since. Of course, they ran into each other during their days, but they had not talked or anything. It was like the time before they had really gotten to know one another, when acknowledging the other’s existence was the highlight of their daily interaction. However, now Warren did not even look at Nathan anymore and he was scared shitless that this was it now. That Sean Prescott had scared away his boyfriend for good.  
Day twelve of not being able to meet up with Warren was coming to an end, Nathan had finished all his classes and was on the way back to his dorm. He had not expected that not seeing the nerd would cause him so much distress. In fact, he was starting to fall back into old habits – he could feel that well-known irritation and anger slowly crippling back to the surface, but now, there was the constant feeling of missing something (or someone) important as well.  
Mumbling obscenities to himself, Nathan entered his cold, dark bedroom. Warren used to be there all the time, nerding out about his ‘badass movie collection’ and keeping the older boy company, even though he had never asked for it. Nathan had not minded, though, in fact, he had liked the way it made his room feel less lonely. Now he wished he would have told Warren that at some point.  
Nathan threw himself on his bed, dreading another night alone. He reached over to open his bedside drawer where he kept photos of Warren and him together – he hated being mushy, but he needed some kind of reassurance. However, when he rummaged through the drawer, he found a rather cheap-looking cellphone that Nathan did not remember owning. Puzzled, he pressed a button on the side to make the screen light up – he had to enter a PIN code.  
“My birthday, maybe?”, he mumbled to no one in particular. It was his go-to password because it was easy to remember and it was not like anybody would know his birthdate anyway.  
Sure enough, entering 0829 granted him access to the cell phone’s functions – including reading the one new text message it had received.

_You probably can’t stand seeing disposable phones anymore, sorry, but at least that means we can communicate now._  
_Not talking to you is super hard for me, but I think your father’s keeping an eye on us, so better be careful, right? You can thank me later. I feel like a sneaky secret agent now!_  
_Anyway, I thought we could meet up at night in the bathrooms or something? Romantic, I know. But I miss you._

Nathan felt like he could cry. The nerd had gotten him a disposable phone and hidden it in his room. He had not been scared away – he had thought of ways to stay in contact without getting them in even deeper shit. _Tonight around 2 or so?_ , he immediately texted back without thinking about it too much. Nathan did not want to seem pushy or anything, but honestly, he had enough of being lonely, and he knew Warren would not mind. In fact, he would probably like it. For a second, Nathan considered adding a _miss U too, nerd_ , but that would just seem fucking desperate, right?  
He ended up sending it anyway. After all, he _was_ pretty desperate to finally see Warren again. However, he did not seem to be alone in this aspect, since it only took the younger one about a minute to reply, telling Nathan he would wait for him in the last stall of the boys’ bathroom. He still had a few hours to kill, but he could already feel his heart pounding in anticipation.

 

The second Nathan pushed the door open and saw that mop of brown bed hair, the dark brown eyes and the never-changing nerdy shirt, relief washed over him.  
“Hey, Nate- “, Warren started but was quickly interrupted by Nathan’s lips pressed against his, because fuck, _he needed this_.  
Warren returned the kiss immediately, wrapping one arm around the smaller boy’s waist and running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, holding him close. However, it was not enough – Nathan was aching for more contact. He slid his tongue along his lower lip, earning a little gasp from Warren that made him want to press the taller boy against the wall and kiss him senseless – and do other things to him. If anyone had ever told Nathan that he would be Frenching Warren Graham in a public toilet in the middle of the night, he would not even have been able to laugh at how ridiculous the idea seemed. Now, however, he could not imagine being anywhere else.  
Eventually, the two had to break apart for air, but they stayed as close as they could, Nathan leaning his forehead against Warren’s, while Warren cupped Nathan’s cheeks, caressing his face. Their breathing was labored and none of them said anything, still reveling in the post-kiss haze. Nathan took the time to admire the little freckles across Warren’s nose one could only see when they were this close to him, and how his boyfriend looked back at him with half-lidded eyes. Shit, he’d missed this.  
“Missed you, too”, Warren spoke softly, a grin on his face, as if he’d just read his mind.  
Nathan rolled his eyes fondly, knowing he would get the message.  
Warren smiled back before his face grew slightly more concerned. “So, how are you?”  
The older boy sneered. “Way to ruin the moment, Graham.” He did not feel like talking about serious things now. All he wanted to do was be with his boyfriend again.  
Warren responded by pressing sloppy kisses along Nathan’s jawline and slipping his hands under his shirt, making him whimper softly. “You know I…worry about you…sometimes”, Warren mumbled in between kisses.  
“I don’t want you to – ah – worry about me.” He bit his lip to stifle a moan when Warren nibbled on a particularly sensitive spot right under his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. “You… you shouldn’t- ah fuck-” Nathan could feel the little shit smiling against his neck, sucking on the tender skin there, before leaving a trail of kisses moving back to his cheek and finally capturing Nathan’s mouth again. Warren kissed him so lovingly, as if he was something precious, and it made Nathan’s heart swell with emotion.  
After they stopped and looked at each other again, Warren’s content, dreamy expression was quickly replaced by one of concern again. “Nate, are you okay? What’s wrong?”  
Nathan would not even have realized he was crying if his boyfriend had not brought up his hands to his face again, softy wiping the tears away with his thumbs. He leaned against the touch and pulled Warren closer, holding onto him. Dark brown eyes full of worry were still watching him, awaiting a response.  
“I…”, Nathan started, his voice shaky, “I just…” He drew a deep, shuddering breath. “I just miss you so fucking much”, he said, his voice getting higher and weaker towards the end of the sentence.  
“Aw, babe, I know”, Warren replied, sounding just as sad as Nathan was feeling, and pulling his now sobbing boyfriend into a hug.  
“I can’t go on like this, Warren”, he continued, “You’re all I have and I… I…”  
“Listen to me, Nate”, the taller boy said, breaking away from the hug and putting his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard”, he stated, and it was only then that Nathan realized how fucking tired Warren looked, like he had not slept properly for days (which was probably the case). “But we can do this, okay? We’ve… we’ve been through so much. This won’t tear us apart”, he finished and he sounded so awfully confident that Nathan could not help but feel encouraged by his words. Warren really was all he needed to be okay.


	5. Fear/Panic

### Fear/Panic

Warren could not breathe.  
Of course, he knew that, logically, he was able to breathe. There was enough oxygen in his room and he had a pair of functioning lungs, but his throat and chest were tight with irrational fear and he could not hold his breath for a split second before it rushed out of him again. Black spots were impairing his vision and Warren felt like he was about to pass out. He knew he was hyperventilating, that he was having a panic attack. He also knew what one was supposed to do in a case like this, but his logical reasoning had flown right out of the window, he could not breathe and he was going to die if he did not _calm down_.  
It took some time, determination and a lot of frustration, but eventually, Warren was almost breathing normally again. His mind was still overtaken by screaming panic, and he was still shaking badly, but he felt like the worst part was almost over. Taking a deep, shuddering breath and exhaling audibly afterwards, he wiped over his face with his sleeve, wetting the cotton material with a mix of sweat and tears. He needed to take a shower and change into clean clothes, but the thought of possibly running into one of his fellow students and being picked on for looking like a fucking mess almost made him become hysterical again. Warren was an extrovert at heart, but right now, the idea of human contact made him tremble in horror.  
As if on cue, Warren’s cellphone vibrated, probably having received a text message. It was lying on his desk, next to the sheet of paper that was the main reason for Warren’s panic attack in the first place. He knew that the test had not gone well (‘well’ meaning ‘perfect’ because Warren had high expectations for himself) and he had been dreading the day he would come to know the true extent of his failure. The moment he had seen the big, red ‘C’ on the bottom of the page, he had broken out in a cold sweat and made his way back to his dorm as soon and fast as he could. Thankfully, none of his friends had seen him (being invisible did have his advantages) but now, someone seemed to be asking for his attention.  
Warren groaned and stood up from his bed. His legs were still shaking and weak, he had to hold onto his desk to regain his balance. He hoped that the message was not from someone asking whether they could copy his homework or something like that – people constantly imposed on his kindness and even though he was tired of it, he was scared of telling anyone so. On particularly bad days, Warren could not help asking himself if it was the only reason people hung out with him in the first place – because he was intelligent and easy to use. _Intelligent_ , he repeated in his thoughts and laughed bitterly. After today, he highly doubted that.  
Warren picked up his phone, carefully avoiding looking at the test sheet. When he saw the text message, he could not help but smile. It seemed that he did not have to worry after all. He sat down in his crappy office chair since he was still swaying on his feet, contemplating his response.

_Nathan: U up for a movie?_

Warren really liked Nathan, way more than he had expected he would. At first, he had just wanted to help the guy when nobody would – now, however, they were good friends. Of course, they had their ups and downs, something Warren had expected, but Nathan was making a lot of progress. He liked to think that he was helping him get better, as well. Something they did regularly were their movie nights where they made use of Nathan’s huge collection of movies. Despite the fact that watching movies with Nathan had become one of Warren’s favorite things to do, he was not sure whether he should agree to it today. The after effects were still quite noticeable and he did not want anybody to see him in this state. Eventually, Warren decided to make up some kind of excuse, keeping it vague. He soon realized that his hands were shaking too hard to type coherent words and sentences, and with every typo, he became more frustrated. In the end, he gave up on the idea of using correct spelling or grammar and just sent the message as soon as he thought it was understandable – hopefully. He just kept his fingers crossed that Nathan would not notice that something was off.

_Warren: you knw id love t but sory i’m kind fbusy tpnight_

Of course, he noticed.

_Nathan: U okay??_  
_Nathan: Are U drunk?_

Warren gave a short laugh – of course Nathan’s first idea would be that he had gotten wasted on a Tuesday evening. He was about to write something about how he was ‘just tired’ when he got another text message.

_Nathan: wait Vic told me something earlier_  
_Nathan: U got that shitty test back right?_

Warren winced. He had totally forgotten that Victoria was in his history class, too – the horror on his face had probably been obvious. It was just unexpected that she actually paid attention to him. She probably kept an eye on him because he had befriended Nathan, to make sure he treated him okay.  
_It’s a C_ , Warren typed back. He could feel his face burning with shame, even though he knew Nathan did not give a shit about grades. How was he supposed to tell his parents about this? Warren could feel anxiety rising in his chest again and soon, his stomach felt like it was tied in knots. He knew he had to breathe, but he felt so insignificant and pathetic, like he could not get anything right, and it was knocking the air right out of him. There was a faint sound coming from his door, but Warren could barely hear it over his heart thundering in his ears.  
He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled on it, hard. The pain gave him something different to concentrate on. Warren also felt that his fringe was damp with sweat, reminding him that he desperately needed to clean himself up. It just added one more reason to feel disgusted with himself which absolutely did not help to make the panic go away. Warren jumped when he felt his phone vibrate in his lap, completely having forgotten he had been having a conversation. With sweaty hands, he picked up the phone, reading the new text message.

_Nathan: Open your door_

A part of Warren was terrified to meet Nathan like this, but the part of him that was happy he actually cared about him was dominating. He was so fucking exhausted, and he did not want to send Nathan away when he had made the effort to come to his room, which was probably more than anyone else at Blackwell had ever done for him.  
Warren did not trust his legs to carry him to the door, though, so he just yelled “it’s open”. He rarely bothered to lock his door, something he was thankful for at that moment.  
His door was opened just enough for Nathan to slip into the room, immediately closing it behind him afterwards. Warren was still sitting in his office chair, trying to look as calm as possible, but it was to no avail.  
“You look like shit.”  
Warren gave a little laugh, rubbing his eyes. “Thanks for pointing that out. I’m pretty fucking tired”, he explained. It was just a small part of the truth, but it was not a lie.  
Nathan went to sit on the bed and Warren turned his chair a little, so that they were facing each other. “I may not be a scientist like you, but I do know a panic attack when I see it.”  
Warren breathed out audibly, his mind was racing. “Sorry”, was the first thing he could think of.  
“You don’t have to apologize”, Nathan replied. “Especially after all the shitfits I’ve had that you witnessed.”  
Warren gave a small smile at that. “I’m a mess, though. I really need to take a shower. I’m like a sweat-factory.”  
Nathan nodded understandingly. “I can help you with that if you need me to.”  
A warm feeling was spreading through Warren’s chest and he smiled. “Will you scrub my back for me, as well?”, he asked, mostly jokingly.  
Nathan smirked back at him. “If you want.” His expression grew more concerned again after that. “Seriously, though. I know what this shit’s like, so… If you need company, I’m here.” After thinking for a moment, he added: “And take your time, you don’t smell super bad or anything.”  
Nathan would always say the most ridiculously precious things with a dead serious expression and it never failed to make Warren’s day. “That’s actually the nicest thing I’ve heard today”, Warren laughed.  
Nathan snorted. “You’re such a fucking nerd. Stop being so goddamn hard on yourself.”  
There was something soothing and natural about Nathan’s presence and Warren did not know what it was, but he could already feel his panic subsiding.


	6. Hopelessness

### Hopelessness

Nathan could still feel his cheek aching from when Madsen had pressed his face into the cold tiles of the girls’ bathroom before there were policemen handcuffing him and hauling him off. Since then, he had been getting yelled at for hours – loud, gruff voices ordering him to tell the truth. Normally, this would have made him angry, because he always got angry when people told him what to do or when he was scared. Now, however, Nathan just did not have the power to scream back. He was empty.  
There was a loud banging sound when the interrogator slammed his fists down on the table, seemingly having enough of his suspect’s lack of answers, and it made Nathan flinch and wince quietly. “Tell me what you know already!”, the man shouted.  
“I’m sorry”, was all that Nathan got out.  
There was a moment of silence before the policeman reacted. “What are you sorry for, kid?” He sounded a little friendlier now. Nathan knew that he was pulling some bad-cop-good-cop kind of shit, but he did not care. Everything was over for him, anyway. He had screwed up.  
“I didn’t want to hurt anybody”, Nathan answered, his voice high and shaky. He focused on the table, looking at his cuffed hands that were resting on the cold surface. Apparently, he had taken off his jacket at some point, since he was in his white cardigan, but Nathan could not remember any of that. He figured he was still ‘under shock’, or whatever his therapist would say. “Everybody used me.”  
Nathan could feel the policeman closely watching his face, but he could not bring himself to look back. His eyes were still glued to the handcuffs, the pain on his wrists reminding him that this was real.  
“Who used you, kid?”, the policeman finally asked, his voice calm.  
Nathan’s mind was racing as he relived scenes he had wanted to forget. He inhaled audibly, trying to get the name of the person that had made the past months a living hell out, but it was to no avail. Nathan rested his face in his hands as he drew a shuddering breath. _Don’t mess this up, Nathan._ He jumped at how realistic the voice had sounded in his head, as if his photography teacher was there in the chamber, ready to hurt him again. But that was not possible, was it?  
“Kid, are you okay? You’re shaking like a leaf.”  
“Huh?”, Nathan choked out, looking up at the policeman for the first time during the interview. However, his form was blurry, Nathan could barely make out any shapes in the room, and he started feeling sick.  
“I think I need my meds”, Nathan said, trying to sound as calm and collected as possible while he was scared out of his mind.  
_You’re not going to tell them about me, are you, Nathan?_  
“Oh no, kid, I’m not going to let you off the hook that easy.”  
_We can create beautiful things together, Nathan._  
“Please. I can’t do this.”  
_You want somebody to love you? I can give you the love that you need if you follow my instructions. I can give you even more than that._  
“Please leave me alone.”  
“Kid, are you okay? Can you hear me?”  
Nathan’s breath caught – someone was touching him, shaking him. He shut his eyes, fear coursing in his veins. He knew what was coming.  
_You interest me, Nathan. So aggressive, yet so broken. Black and white. Such a nice contrast…_  
He felt so helpless, any attempt to fight back was in vain. It was hopeless.  
“Please. I’m sorry. Let me go. I don’t want this. You’re hurting me.”  
The sick feeling in his stomach got worse and it gradually became harder for Nathan to breathe. His heartbeat filled his ears as his vision started graying out. The last thing Nathan heard was someone that was not Jefferson calling for a doctor, then there was just darkness.

Nathan awoke with a start, his eyes jolting open. His heart was pounding hard in his chest and he could feel cold sweat all over his body, the after effects of a horrible nightmare. As the eighteen-year old slowly came to his senses, he noticed that he was not in his dorm. He was lying on a small, cheap mattress in a tiny room. The floor was gray and the walls were covered with white tiles. Besides the bed, there only was a silver toilet in the room. The realization hit Nathan hard and it made his heart drop. He had fucked up. His life was over.  
Tears pricked his eyes as he scooted to the corner of the bed, pressing his back into the wall there and hugging his knees, making himself as small as he possibly could. What was he supposed to do now? Had he told that policeman anything? And what would that change anyway? Nobody would believe him. Jefferson was articulate and convincing, a prestigious photographer, while Nathan was just a mentally ill, rich kid that sold drugs on campus – a disgrace to his family. Not even his father would get him out of this.  
Nathan flinched when he heard the door to his little cell get opened. A policeman stepped in, and the teen could feel how he was eyeballing him as he was still sitting on the bed, not able to look the officer in the eye. Usually, Nathan would not let anyone see him like this, but it did not matter to him anymore.  
“Hey, kid”, the man said and Nathan recognized the voice immediately. “How are you doing?”  
“Fucking fantastic”, Nathan answered, but his voice cracked, so the sarcasm did not really take as much effect as he wanted it to.  
The policeman sighed and nodded, probably realizing it was not the best question to ask in that situation. After a while, he continued: “I just wanted to check on you to see if you’re… okay. You were really out of it yesterday.” There was pity apparent in his voice.  
Nathan winced. He obviously had given away way more than he had wanted to.  
“Still, there is absolutely no excuse for drugging all these innocent girls.” He sounded more serious and authoritarian again, which Nathan actually preferred. He did not need that guy’s pity.  
The police officer sat down on the bed, watching Nathan closely. “Are you going to tell me what that man did to you? And what he made you do?”  
This time, Nathan told the policeman everything. He left out some of the details that he had kept locked away deep inside his mind, but he knew that the officer already had a good idea of just what Jefferson used to do to him after that breakdown he had in the interrogation chamber. Nathan was more calm this time – he was still sobbing and shivering, but he pushed through it, until he had told the policeman everything.  
How Jefferson first approached and complimented him.  
How Nathan thought that he finally found someone that thought he was worth something.  
How Jefferson suddenly stopped being nice.  
How confused and scared Nathan was.  
How Jefferson forced him to provide drugs for his twisted photoshoots.  
How he had captured Rachel.  
How Nathan had been drugged and posed for photos, as well.  
How sick he felt afterwards, looking at the results.  
How helpless he was.  
Kate’s video.  
That punk girl Chloe.  
The bathroom.  
He had a gun.  
Everybody used him.  
Nobody loved him.  
They fought.  
A shot was being fired.  
“I shot her”, Nathan stated, his voice barely above a whisper. “I fucking shot her.” He was surprised how numb he felt after he realized the extent of his actions. Like all of it was too much for his mind to take, so it just stopped working.  
The policeman scribbled on some notepad. “I’m going to see if we can get a psychologist to look after you regularly as you’re waiting for your trial, is that okay for you?”  
Nathan shrugged. “What the fuck ever.”  
The officer sighed as he put away his notebook. “Is there anything else? If not, then that’s all for now.”  
For the first time, Nathan looked the policeman straight in the eye as he said: “I wish I’d have shot myself instead that day.”  
The officer did not reply to that, just nodded understandingly and left the cell without another word.


	7. Curiosity

### Curiosity

“No. Fucking. Way.”  
Warren took another sip of his coffee, feeling a blush creeping over his face. “I told you that you wouldn’t believe me.”  
“No, no, that’s not it, it’s just…” It was obvious that Nathan was trying really hard not to burst out laughing, but that guy just did not have any self-control. “I just can’t imagine Warren fucking Graham having a ‘bad boy-phase’.”  
“As I said, it was like forever ago”, Warren said, regretting bringing this up at all. He was hoping that Joyce would come over to ask if they needed anything else, just to change the topic, but of course, waiters never came to your table when you wanted them to. Then again, maybe she ignored him on purpose because she was still mad at him for graffitiing the table, even though he had done it on accident. Warren just seemed to have a gift for embarrassing himself. Despite all, he was incredibly thankful that Joyce allowed Nathan in the Diner, after everything that had happened.  
Nathan sneered. “Yeah, because you’re a fucking adult now, Graham.”  
“Sorry for not being an old man like you.” Warren would never admit it, but he hated being about a year younger than almost anybody else at Blackwell. Ever since he had skipped a grade in middle school, he had been getting picked on by the older students. He had thought the students at Blackwell Academy would act more mature, but boy, was he wrong.   
“Ooh, burn”, Nathan laughed. “Seriously, though. Tell me what you were like. I’m curious.”  
“You’re going to laugh at me”, Warren whined.  
“Don’t be a wuss, tell me already!” It was not easy to get Nathan excited like this and Warren thought it actually was kind of cute.  
He sighed. “Fine.”  
Nathan was gripping his mug with both of his hands, probably warming them (he was always cold, even in summer), and looked at Warren quite intensely. Warren did not think that there had ever been someone else interested in his life story – or him, in general. It was reassuring, really. He usually was the one to be too direct, too talkative or too devoted and it scared most of the people he knew away.  
Warren thought for a moment, contemplating how to start. “Okay, so. I was fourteen- “  
“That’s literally three years, not ‘forever’ ago”, Nathan mocked.  
“Do you want to hear the story or not? Patience you must have, m- “  
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Continue!”  
Warren sighed again. “As I said, I was fourteen and I was a sophomore.”  
“You skipped a grade?”, Nathan asked.  
“Obviously”, Warren said, grateful that he had at least let him finish the sentence this time. “That’s why, you know, I’m younger than all of you.”  
Nathan shrugged. “Figures, I guess.”  
“Okay, so – my parents didn’t care about anything but how amazing my older brother was. He was your typical popular high-schooler. Good at sports, smart, always surrounded by girls…”  
At that, Nathan just made a disgusted face while drinking his coffee, making Warren laugh. “Exactly”, he agreed. “When it came to me – my grades were never good enough. I never had enough friends and didn’t leave the house enough, I was not fit enough, all that kind of stuff. The other students I had classes with weren’t really fond of me, as well.” Warren had not wanted to ever tell anyone about this. Not in too much detail, anyway. He wanted to keep his reputation as the nerdy, know-it-all goofball – not that it was not what he was, it just was not everything. He was good at pretending that it was all there was to him, though. “So, just imagine me at Blackwell, but a bit shorter”, Warren laughed while rubbing his neck, attempting to lighten the situation. He knew that if he got too serious, he would get emotional and not stop talking before he had told Nathan everything that had been on his mind for the past years.  
“Come on, man, you haven’t looked exactly like this for the last three years, have you?”  
Warren hesitated for a moment, contemplating his response. “I, uh… also had my hair about twice as long”, he mumbled.  
“You’re kidding”, Nathan said, the corners of his mouth twitching.  
Warren rubbed his neck, his face feeling embarrassingly hot. “I wish I was”, he admitted.  
“Please go on”, Nathan begged, barely able to hold his laughter back, “this shit’s pure gold.”  
“So, I was pretty fed up with everything. One day, my parents made my brother look after me because they were visiting some relatives in Idaho. And my brother, being a typical popular senior, decided to throw a huge party at our place.”  
“Fuckin’ classic”, Nathan commented.  
Warren nodded. “Some of his friends, uh, ‘encouraged’ me to drink some beer. I’ve always had a low tolerance to alcohol.”  
Nathan snorted. “Trust me, I know about that.”  
“Long story short – I was introduced to booze… and cigarettes.”  
“You smoked?” Nathan asked, his voice tinted with disbelief.  
“For quite a bit, actually. My brother was the stereotypical popular guy, I became the stereotypical outcast. I didn’t want my parents to notice, though, so I made sure to maintain my grades.” He swallowed, slowly getting nervous. He was revealing way too much about himself, but it also felt nice to have somebody that listened.  
“You’re so hardcore, Warren. Always the good nerd”, Nathan said, and one the one hand, it made Warren feel relieved, because that was what he wanted everybody to believe. On the other hand, he had never told anyone about this before and Nathan was listening because he honestly wanted to know something about him and it felt _good_.  
“My mom was fucking pissed, anyway. Mainly because I also started seeing guys”, Warren blurted out and immediately regretted it. He knew he would not be able to shut up when it was time to, that he would embarrass himself. However, despite everything, he quickly found himself enjoying Nathan’s utterly dumbfounded expression.  
“No. Way.”, he said.  
“I’ve… I’ve never…” Warren drew a deep breath. “I’ve never told anyone about that”, he mumbled.  
There was a short moment of silence between them and Warren started regretting telling Nathan anything about his past in the first place. Surely, he would judge him, or be weirded out, and they would not be friends anymore. Then they would go back to what they were before, only that Nathan would have more juicy details he could use to make fun of Warren.  
“You’re bi, then?”, Nathan asked. He did not sound disgusted at all, just generally interested. Afterwards, he gave a short laugh. “Warren Graham. I knew you weren’t as innocent as you looked! Now I want to know all of your dirty secrets.”  
Warren looked up, surprised. “You’re not grossed out or anything?”  
Nathan averted his gaze, looking outside of the window. “Nah”, he said. Warren breathed a sigh of relief and took another sip of his coffee. It was still warm, thankfully. With his usual dead serious expression, Nathan added: “I’m gay, so I don’t really mind that at all.”  
Warren immediately choked on his coffee, which led to him coughing violently for a few seconds. “Where”, he started when he felt like he could breathe normally again, and wiped at his watering eyes, “where did that come from?”  
Nathan shrugged, as if Warren had not just almost died because of his statement. “Do I need to explain to you what ‘gay’ means, mister scientist?”  
“No, I – uh – it’s just”, Warren was blabbering now, because he was still quite under shock, “I didn’t, uhm, see that coming? Like, what’s the back story?”  
Nathan smirked. “I think that’s for another time”, he said, standing up. “I’ve finished my coffee anyway.”  
“No way, Nathan!”, Warren called. “I just poured my heart out and now you’re refusing to tell me about this after you’ve so shamelessly piqued my curiosity?”  
“I feel like that was enough sob story time for today”, Nathan answered, still smiling smugly.  
“Nathan Prescott”, Warren said, attempting to glare at the older teen, even though it probably just looked like a pout. “You are an ass.”  
“You know you love it.”


	8. Gratification

### Gratification

Nathan quietly looked through the room, letting it sink in. It was a light-flooded room with two large windows, walls that were painted white and a wooden floor. Everything was silent, except for Warren’s steps echoing in the unfurnished apartment and the distant sound of traffic. Warren was saying something about how he had expected that Portland would not be as quiet as Arcadia Bay and that they would surely get used to the noise over time, but Nathan was not really listening. He was lost in thought.  
Honestly, Nathan had no idea how he managed to make it this far. He felt like it was only yesterday that he was nothing but the broken, abused rich kid – a mentally unstable mess that had lost his grip on reality. More often than not, he had been so intoxicated that he could not even walk to his classes in a coherent state, but drugs and alcohol had only provided temporary gratification. Most of his Blackwell days were a blur, but there were moments that Nathan could still remember as clear as day, even though he wished he could erase them from his memory forever. However, Warren had helped him through his darkest times and he still had no clue why his boyfriend had stuck with him through all these years.  
“Nate? Nathan, babe, are you listening?”  
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as he realized that said boyfriend was trying really hard to get his attention. Startled, he looked up to see Warren in front of him, an amused look on his face.  
“Thinking about your gorgeous boyfriend?”, he grinned.  
Nathan sneered. “Shut up.”  
Warren took another look around the room. “So, what do you think?”  
Nathan contemplated his answer. Eventually, he went for: “It’s … nice.”  
His boyfriend smiled warmly at him. “It’s nice, but…?”  
Nathan averted his gaze, looking at the floor, and shrugged. “I don’t know.”  
Warren brought his hands up, gently caressing Nathan’s face to get him to look at him again. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”  
Nathan nodded and Warren smiled again, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. Nathan immediately melted into Warren, also wrapping his arms around him and enjoying how warm and safe he felt.   
“If you’re not ready, that’s okay”, Warren mumbled eventually. “I’d understand. I wouldn’t be mad at you”, he reassured Nathan, but the older boy just shook his head.  
“No, that’s not it. I… I do want this”, he said.  
“What is it, then?”  
Nathan sighed. Warren would not let him get away with vague explanations. Reluctantly, he pulled away, but kept his hands on Warren’s waist, as he started talking. “It’s just … scary? Don’t get me wrong, it’s fucking amazing to be here with you. We’re basically building up our own life together, and as much as I’m grateful, I’m also terrified. Sometimes, I feel like being almost two hours away from all this shit isn’t nearly enough, and other times, I regret leaving Arcadia Bay at all.”  
Warren appeared to be relieved. “It’s okay to be scared”, he said. “In fact, it’s normal. I’m terrified as well.”  
Nathan looked up at Warren, surprised. “You are?”  
He gave a short laugh. “Of course! Nate, we just graduated and we’re moving to a foreign city, all by ourselves. It’s supposed to be scary.”  
“Oh”, he said, processing what his boyfriend had said. “Sometimes…”, he began after a while, his voice small and quavering, “sometimes I’m not sure whether the way I feel is normal or not. You remember that time I told you how my thoughts and emotions were just a giant mess?”  
“Of course. It was one of the first times you had slept in my room”, Warren said with a happy expression.  
“Yeah”, Nathan smiled back, a blush creeping onto his face. He would never say that out loud, but he was fond of these memories. “Anyway, I still feel like that from time to time. Not as often, because I think I’ve gotten better…? But sometimes, I don’t know whether me feeling bad or… or scared is normal or w-whether I’m… I don’t know… whether I’m … “. Nathan’s voice had become brittle, and he could not continue speaking. He just could not put his thoughts into words.   
Warren’s face was full of worry. “…relapsing?”, he asked hesitantly.  
Nathan chewed on his lower lip, trying really hard not to start crying. “I-… yeah”, he whispered, ducking his face into the crook of Warren’s neck, hiding his face.  
“Hey, it’s okay”, Warren said, putting his arms around Nathan once again, holding him. “I’m with you, and we can get through this. You’ve already gotten so much better, Nathan.”  
“You think so?”, Nathan asked, lifting his head to look at Warren through tear-filled eyes.  
“Of course!”, Warren insisted. “I’ve been able to see you laugh and smile so much more than when I first met you and it makes me happy like nothing else.”  
Nathan gave a short laugh, his face starting to feel warm. “You’re so embarrassing and mushy.”  
“But look who’s smiling”, Warren giggled, poking his boyfriend’s cheek.  
“I hate you”, Nathan said, but he could not stop the smile on his face from growing even brighter. 

A few hours and apartment sightings later, Nathan and Warren decided to have some coffee before driving back to Warren’s parents. They had offered to let them live at their place until they had found an apartment, so that they would not have to stress about that during their finals. Needless to say, Warren and Nathan had been very thankful for that, even though Nathan felt a bit uneasy about it. Most of the time, he felt like an intruder, despite the fact that Warren’s parents were lovely people and treated Nathan very nicely. It was not like he had a choice anyway, because since Sean Prescott had found out that his son had disobeyed him and continued dating Warren, it had been like Nathan was dead to his father.  
“…te? Nate? Gosh, you’re not listening to me at all today, are you?”  
Nathan snapped out of his thoughts. “Ah, sorry. What were you saying?”  
Warren giggled. “Nothing important, just that looking at apartments was more exhausting than I had anticipated.”  
Nathan nodded. He was pretty tired, too. Hopefully, the caffeine would kick in soon.  
“So, what’s on your mind, sweetheart?”  
Nathan made a face and Warren laughed. “Stop calling me that.” He took another sip of his coffee, looking out of the window. It was getting dark. Nathan sighed. “I was just thinking about my dad for a bit. No big deal”, he mumbled.  
Warren drew his eyebrows together, looking concerned. “It is a big deal. You haven’t talked to him in forever.”  
“And I’m glad, I don’t want to put up with his shit”, Nathan spat.  
“You know that’s not true. You still care about him.”  
Nathan clenched his fists, feeling himself become irritated. “Don’t act like you know shit about how I feel, okay?”, he snapped. He realized he had been speaking too loudly as he noticed the waitress was looking at him funny. Warren was looking even more concerned than before, but Nathan could also see that he was trying to hide that he was hurt, the kind of expression he wore anytime Nathan ranted at him. “Fuck, I’m sorry”, he said. Frustrated with himself, he groaned and buried his face in his hands. “I’m such a dick.”  
“Don’t worry, it’s all good”, Warren ensured and reached over the table to gently pull at Nathan’s wrists. He took Nathan’s hands in his, intertwining their fingers. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t push the topic like that”, Warren said quietly.  
Nathan winced. Warren could always find something to feel bad about, even when he was doing absolutely nothing wrong. “Don’t be sorry. You’re just being a good boyfriend and I’m… I’m being a piece of shit.”  
“No, you’re not”, Warren insisted. “However…”, he started, his tone more cheerful than before, “…you were being a piece of shit when you tried to kill me through alcohol poisoning in that night you wanted to steal the Tobanga”, Warren giggled.  
“Hey, that’s not true!”, Nathan laughed.  
They continued joking with each other and Nathan was relieved that Warren had lightened the situation. There were still some topics that he felt uncomfortable talking about and thoughts that he preferred to keep locked deep inside his mind. However, in moments like these, he felt like he was going to be okay. As long as Warren was there with him, maybe he could just forget and live on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really slow for the delay, but I've been putting off uploading this chapter because I'm just not happy with it. I may end up changing it later... However, I already have the next two chapters finished and I'm more content with how they came out, so they should be up soon!


	9. Astonishment

### Astonishment

The night air was chilly on Warren’s bare arms and he involuntarily shivered as he took another drag from his cigarette. It would have been a quiet September night, were it not for the distant sound of music coming from the Blackwell swimming pool. He was in front of the dormitories, so he could barely make out the song that was currently playing – it was one of those typical techno party things, the type of music you could only listen to after you had enough drinks. At least, that was what Warren thought. Speaking of drinks, however, that was something Warren had had enough of that night. He usually was a happy drunk kind of guy and mostly had fun at the Vortex Club parties he attended. He would arrive and have one or two beers – more than enough for him to get tipsy – talk to some of the people, have a good time and then go back to being a science nerd the next morning. Today, however, his body and mind did not seem to cooperate. The alcohol had just made him feel sick and more thoughtful than usual. Maybe it had been a bad idea to go partying when he had not been feeling well in the first place.  
He let out a sigh and looked at the small roll of tobacco between his thumb and index finger. Hayden had given him his almost empty pack of cigarettes at the party. The guy had been stoned and was going on about how Warren had let him copy his homework once and was getting kind of emotional about it, so he decided to give Warren something in return, and it happened to be a nearly used up pack of Marlboros. He could feel it in the back pocket of his jeans – he would need to find a place to keep them in his room later.  
Warren had thought he would never touch these cancer sticks again – and he had avoided them, for over a year, but now, here he was. What would his friends think if they saw him like that? On second thought, they would probably laugh about it and shrug it off. At least Kate would be concerned about his health. In general, however, they surely would not really care. Still, he preferred to not be seen in that moment. Luckily, everybody seemed to be either in their bedroom or at the party, so he could inhale poisonous chemicals in peace.  
As if on cue, Warren heard somebody call out in frustration from the other side of the dormitory ground. “Shit”, he hissed and out of panic, he threw the cigarette on the ground, quickly stomping it out. After waiting a few seconds, Warren realized that nobody was coming, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. However, he heard the person shouting profanity again, and Warren soon got an idea just who that frustrated stranger was. Normally, he would avoid that guy at all costs, but curiosity got the better of him, so he started walking over to where the noise had come from. As he was making his way, Warren realized the voice had come from where the Tobanga was, which made him feel a little uneasy. He hoped that nobody was messing with the totem.  
However, the scene that played out in front of him was nothing like he had expected. Warren had been right about one thing – the person he saw was indeed the infamous ‘rich kid’. Nathan Prescott was pushing the Tobanga with all his might, his feet already quite far away from the totem itself, so that if his hands were to slip off, he would immediately fall face-down onto the ground.  
“Uh… Nathan?”, Warren asked. He was confused and a little shocked, to say the least.  
The older boy looked up, and as soon as he saw Warren, his expression changed. It almost seemed like he was glad to see him there, which was weird, since he always used to just frown upon everybody around him, especially nerds like Warren.  
“Oh, it’s you! Perfect!”, he cheered and stopped pushing the helpless totem. “You’re a science nerd, right?”  
“Uh”, Warren said, even more confused. “Yeah?”  
“Can you help me get this stupid thing out of here?”, he said, pointing at the Tobanga.  
“What- what does have to do with me being- “, Warren began, but hesitated to continue for a moment. Nathan was very likely high on something and he should probably just stop the guy from getting himself into even more trouble. “Listen, Nathan, I… I think you should just go back to the party and see your friends, alright?”  
“Fuck them”, Nathan called. “And I don’t give a shit about that fucking party, either.” After that, he went back to his business, this time pulling at the Tobanga instead of pushing it. “Are you just gonna keep staring at me or will you help me?”, he asked, looking at Warren with a serious expression.  
He sighed and walked over to Nathan, attempting to stop him. “I’m not going to help you, I- “  
“Come on, Warren”, he whined. “Don’t be lame.”  
Warren was caught off guard for a moment, honestly surprised that Nathan even knew his name. “Nathan, you’re getting yourself into trouble”, he said, but soon realized the Prescott probably would not care. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts and thinking about ways to persuade Nathan to come with him, or just leave, anything but what he was doing right now. He knew he should not care and just get away before he got into trouble as well, but he could not bring himself to. When he opened his eyes again, Nathan was right in front of him, offering Warren a bottle of Vodka.  
“Woah”, he said, a little startled. “Where did you get that all of a sudden?”  
“Had it with me”, Nathan shrugged. “You want some?”  
Warren made a face. “No, thanks.”  
Nathan knitted his brows. “Come on, Warren, stop being a little bitch. Break the rules, bust shit up. Have some fun for once.”  
Warren crossed his arms. His definition of ‘fun’ definitely did not include breaking the law with a douche like Nathan Prescott. Then again, he had been kind of nice so far this night – for his standards, anyway. Maybe they could even get along in the future? It would not hurt to at least try, right?  
Warren sighed, rubbing his neck. “Fine.”  
Nathan smirked and handed the bottle over. Warren eyeballed the clear liquid, trying to estimate just how bad it would be.  
“Never had shots before?”, the older boy laughed.  
“Uh… Nope”, Warren admitted. He could feel a blush creeping onto his face.  
“My, uh, best advice is to just down the shit. Don’t keep it in for too long. It’s effective, but the taste is fucking disgusting the first times you drink it.”  
Warren smiled at Nathan. “Okay, I guess I’ll try”, he said, still a little uncertain.  
The older boy lightly punched his shoulder. “There you go, Graham!”  
Warren took a deep breath and brought the bottle to his lips, tilting it quickly and without too much thought. To say that it was disgusting was an understatement, but he tried to follow Nathan’s advice and swallowed it as fast as he could. The alcohol burned all the way down his throat and left a warm feeling in his stomach.  
Warren gave Nathan back the bottle, grimacing a little. “Fuck, dude”, he said. “That’s horrible.” Nathan just smirked back at him and took a sip of Vodka himself. He seemed to be comfortable with them sharing the same bottle, which Warren had not expected.  
Unsurprisingly, Warren quickly started feeling sick, the burning taste still on his tongue. Turning away from Nathan, he groaned and leaned over a bit, his hands on his knees.  
“Woah, dude, you alright?”, Nathan asked, putting a hand on Warren’s shoulder. “Do you have to throw up?”  
Warren assured that he only needed a moment, which Nathan seemed to understand, as he did not say anything and just took a step back.  
After a few seconds, Nathan suddenly called out: “Wait, are you kidding me?” and took something out of Warren’s back pocket. At first, he was confused (had Nathan really just almost grabbed his ass without a care in the world?), but then he saw the Marlboros in Nathan’s hands, and his breath caught. _Oh fuck._  
“Are these _yours_?”, he asked, astonishment apparent in his features, as well as his voice.  
“N-no, I just – uh…”, Warren blabbered, not knowing what to say.  
“I knew you weren’t just some boring nerd! That’s so fucking hilarious”, Nathan laughed and opened the pack. “They’re almost empty, too.”  
Warren swallowed nervously. “Nathan, um – can you… can you please keep it to yourself? I don’t want anyone to know.”  
“Oh, I see”, he smirked. “So, what’s in for me?”  
Warren opened his mouth to say something, but Nathan continued speaking before he could say anything. “You should see your face”, he grinned. “I’m just kidding. But now that I know you’re not as lame as you pretend to be, I’ll make you drink another shot” he said, holding the bottle in front of Warren.  
With a sigh, he took it. “I guess I have to, huh? Just one more, though.”  
Nathan smirked. “Just one”, he repeated.

Warren awoke with a massive headache, immediately regretting he went to that damned Vortex Club party in the first place. Groaning, he sat up, and the first thing he saw was a bucket next to his bed. There was already some vomit in it, and he thanked past-Warren for taking care of his drunk ass. Speaking of the Vortex Club party and past-Warren, though, he slowly realized that he did not remember much of the night. He had not been feeling well but decided to try going to the party anyway, had one beer, talked to Alyssa and Brooke – and for some reason, Hayden, as well, but was not sure about what – and… Then what? Warren scratched his head. He usually did not have any blackouts, mainly because he did not drink much. Was it because he had not been feeling too good this time? No matter what he did, though, he definitely needed a shower.  
After cleaning himself up and taking some painkillers, Warren felt somewhat good again. The majority of the people he met in the halls were hungover as well, nothing extraordinary after a Vortex Club party. However, when Warren was walking across the dormitory ground, Samuel approached him, telling him something weird.  
“Ah, Warren, Samuel can see that you are better.”  
“Hello, Samuel”, Warren greeted. “Better than yesterday, you mean?”, he asked and rubbed his neck. He did not even remember meeting Samuel. “We had, um, a talk, right?”, he asked, not wanting to give away that he had a blackout from drinking.  
“Samuel would not call it ‘talk’, but you may if you like.”  
Warren frowned. “What did I do?”  
“Oh, Warren, Samuel is quite glad you can’t remember”. The janitor smiled a little. “You would be … embarrassed.” With that, he excused himself, saying he needed to continue cleaning up, and left. Warren was confused. What had he done?  
Later in the evening, Warren was in the boys’ bathroom, getting ready for bed, and he still had not gotten any answers. He had talked to Alyssa and Brooke, but they had not been able to tell him anything. All they knew was he had left the party early and that they had not seen him after that. He had just finished brushing his teeth as Nathan Prescott walked into the bathroom. Warren only then realized he had not seen the guy the whole day, but he did not think too much of it. He had probably just been sick, even more than Warren, because Nathan usually got more wasted than anybody. However, he seemed to be wrong, as Nathan called out his name, apparently even angrier than usual.  
“Graham!”  
Warren turned to look at Nathan, more confused than before. “What is it?”  
“Stop playing dumb, asshole”, he said, walking over to Warren. He stopped when he was right in front of Warren and glared at him. Even though he was a bit shorter than Warren, he would be lying if he said he did not find Nathan to be intimidating. “You know exactly what happened yesterday”, he hissed. “And if you’re as smart as you claim to be, you better keep your mouth shut about- “  
“Woah, Nathan”, Warren said, raising his hands in a defensive manner. “I don’t remember anything from last night. I don’t even know that I ever spoke to you.”  
“Stop lying to me, you- “  
“Nathan, I swear”, he re-emphasized. “Samuel was already being weird and I had no idea what I did, but nobody could tell me. But, apparently, you know something?”  
Nathan looked at Warren for a moment, probably contemplating whether he believed him or not. Eventually, his expression softened. “I actually don’t remember talking to you, either. Not… really, at least. It’s all fuzzy. But that creepy janitor said that even though you didn’t really do anything, he saw us together when I-“ Suddenly, he came to a halt. “Forget I said anything!”, he hissed, frowning even more than before. “And if you tell anyone about this, you’ll fucking regret it”, he called. With that, he left the boys’ bathroom, leaving an astonished Warren behind.  
It seemed like he would never learn what happened in that night. Warren let out a sigh of frustration. “What a douche”, he mumbled.


End file.
